This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
