the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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