So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
