he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize