I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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