I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
