Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
