Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
