She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
