Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
