woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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