I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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