She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
