i need an iv and a liver transplant
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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