ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
