I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
