I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he thought i was a dude.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
