i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize