You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
