my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
