she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
