Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
