In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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