the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
