I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
