Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
