There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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