allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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