I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
