Yo dont text me then not text me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
