I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
