he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
