So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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