So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
