I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
