A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
