Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
