one two three fourrrrnication!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
