I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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