When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
