Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
