I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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