So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize