I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
