last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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