Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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