fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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