I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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