me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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