I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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