I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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