Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
