She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
