Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
