It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
