my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We are two peas in an std pod
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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