Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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