Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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