I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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