This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Of course I have a pirate flag
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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