I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
