awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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