I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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