I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
