Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
