he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
