RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
