Already got asked if we're dating
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
