when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
