just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the day after is always just damage control
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
