U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
