so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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