So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
