That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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