It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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