its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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