He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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