I just cut my nipple shaving
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
