I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
