He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
