I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
