can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
