Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
