I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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