i think my tv is drunk
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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