I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
