Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
