it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
