Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
