and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
