Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
