Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My vagina is officially offended.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
