When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
