O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
