I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Randomize
