Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
