i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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