Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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