Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
